Haven’t been around for awhile. No real excuse. Just been lazy. I’ve lost 10lbs without trying though so that’s a good thing. I’ve been eating pure crap though and I wouldn’t be surprised if the next time they test me for diabetes it comes up positive. I’m going to try and at least keep my main page active which has no weight loss stuff on it if any of you are interested. Its a super girly blog. Lol
Talked to my insurance company. They said they will cover the surgery as long as I go through a solid year of a nutritional/diet program. I also have to see a therapist for a year. Which I already do now. I don’t know if I can wait a year like. I guess I’ll see if weight watchers works this time, third times a charm? Sigh. I’ll be attending my first weight watcher meeting, since I’ve signed up again, next week sometime. I need to start tracking what im eating again too. I tracked a few things but I forget to do it all.
I did the photo shoot Sunday and it made me see really how huge i am. I really am so upset with myself for letting myself go like this. And my ass,omg, its so freaking flat. Ugh lol
I feel like a total asshole. I binged pretty much all day long. I wasn’t even hungry but I stuffed my face like a pig. I’m so disgusted with myself right now. I just feel so depressed and frustrated lately. I guess the only good thing about today is that I signed up for Weight Watchers. I have to be apart of a program for 6 months in order to be able to have the surgery. The last 2 times I was apart of WW it didn’t work for me. Sigh. I guess I’ll head to bed now. I’m so miserable feeling. Pity party for Elaina.
My boyfriend has always liked bigger girls. I’m so scared that if I get skinny he will not want me anymore. I really want him to support me in this but I have a feeling he wont. I weigh 196 currently and I know he thinks I’m fat now but when I was about 150 he was more attracted to me. Or so that’s how I feel. But he’s never seen me skinny. If I get this surgery, will he still want me? Will he have a new found love for thinner girls? Gah. I’m so conflicted.
So, she said I can go through with it n she will back me up. She suggested I start weight watchers again since I have to be on a structured plan for 6 months before surgery. I also have to make sure my insurance covers it and if not then how much it would cost me or my parents. She also suggested a specific hospital which I personally have never been to but it’s right down the street from my boyfriends home. So that’s good. I’m excited to get the ball rolling. But I am also scared to tell my boyfriend even about it all because he doesn’t like stick thin girls. But I don’t wanna be stick thin just an average healthy weight. Ugh
At my primary care doctor….about to ask her what I have to do to be considered for bariatric surgery. Nervous
Anyone ever have bariatric surgery done? My BMI is 35 and at 35with certain health issues I could qualify. I really see this as a good option for me. I eat right, exercise when I can, but the weight just wont budge.